She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
