3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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