I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
