So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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