My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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