Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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