Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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