Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
