Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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