I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Well I just put wine in my tea
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
