the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
i think my cat just said my name.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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