I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
