His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
