Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
