I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
