I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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