Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
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