im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
