Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We left the knife in your bed.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
PANTIES FOUND
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