My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
