Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
