You really coming over, don't trick.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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