sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
