If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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