I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
