Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I want you more than these girls want KFC
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
