Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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