I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
