How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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