The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize