I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Randomize
