i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
