high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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