those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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