Got a toothbrush?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
