I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
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