You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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