So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
