Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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