people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
