Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
