I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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