Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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