Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
