So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
