How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
