We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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