I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
