i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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