he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just want to make out with him forever
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
