The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
