I'm gonna have a badass scar
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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