I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Blood and glitter go together right?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
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