dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
