But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
