I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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