i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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