You made me cry and you don't even care
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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