I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
