I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
