i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize