Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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