Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
