im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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